Blair Bollocks Bail-out Bush Blitzkreig
PM Touts UK’s Buzzard Bay Oil Independence
Friday, August 11th, 2006
PETERHEAD, Scotland – API
Standing tall in chic royal blue Nomex coveralls and a
chirpey bone china hardhat, Prime Minister Tony Blair
bent to popular sentiment today, and announced that
Britain was pulling out of the Neo-Likud Wehrmacht.
As he threw a symbolic switch activating oil production
from the massive Buzzard Bay North Sea field, which is
due in full production in December, Blair praised the hard
work of Nexen Energy and its partners in developing the
new field, which makes UK independent of MidEast oil.
“The British people have spoken loud and clear, and the
Labor Party is the People’s Party (sic),” Blair exclaimed,
pounding his white-gloved fist weakly on the tall lectern.
Oil executives in the audience yawned, and one could
be seen twirlling his hands in a ‘speed it up’ motion.
“Umm, we will remain aligned with NATO in our peace-
keeping operations in Helmand, Afghanistan, as part
of the fight against the opium trade into our country, and
we remain firmly resolved to fight Arab terrorism world-
wide. Nevertheless, we will remember the Arabs as our
allies in The Great War, and partners in Neo Oil Wars.”
Sporatic applauses greeted the abbreviated speech,
as Blair’s bodyguards closed in around him, and he
was lofted by helicopter back to the safety of London.
UN ambassador John Bolton sought out CNN reporters
on the street in New York, reportedly livid with rage. “Those
f–ing, Limey traitors! We fought and died for them against
the Axis of Terror in two world wars! Now they punk out?”
Bolton continued on down the street, speed-rapping to
anyone who would listen as he caught on their arms.
A NYC police patrol finally took Bolton to the drunk tank.
President George Bush, vacationing in Crawford, Texas
after a long night of partying at Thursday’s Carlyle Group
barbecue and annual DEFCON fest, had this comment,
which he delivered with a slightly drunken sing-song slur:
“Condemned to violence, Arrested by pain,
Inside the soul lies a man insane, Conceived in anger
Addicted to hate, The mutant child of a twisted state.
Beware the contradiction, Beneath the crimson void
‘Cos in this world of fiction, Blairs’s Jekyll doesn’t hide!”
Ari Fleischer, in attendance at the event should Bush be
asked about US-Middle East policy, then quickly wrested
the microphone away from the tottering Decision Maker.
”What President Bush meant to say was that Michael
Fleischer has been appointed as the Director of Private
Sector Development for the Coalition Provisional Authority
in Iraq, effective March 13, 2004. He is my brother, and loyal
AIPAC-GOP Party member. From now on Michael will speak
for the President in all matters relating to Iraq and the Coalition.”
However, Mr. Fleischer could not be reached for comment at his
swank PSD offices in uptown Manhattan. He has been widely
criticized for his autocratic role in privatizing the Iraq economy,
going even farther than L. Paul Bremer in his liquidation strategy.
PICTURE LINK – Bremer Holds Hands with Chalabi
http://tinyurl.com/qex3z
Specifically:
* PSD-CPA Meetings were held where attendance was
not recorded. There is no record of who makes decisions.
* Meetings were held, where decisions were made,
but where a quorum for voting had not been present.
* The Program Review Board never recorded the motions
to approve expenditures, who seconded motions, or
which members were for or against those motions.
* In the 43 meetings held since 2003, the sole Iraqi board
member only attended two meetings, then resigned.
* The minutes failed to contain sufficient detail for readers
to understand why programs were approved, or by whom.
* Program decisions that had been tabled, were later
approved informally by Fleischer, outside the meetings,
with no recording of the reasoning behind the decision.
* The chair of the Board refused to sign off certifying the
accuracy of the Board’s note taking or CPA bookkeeping.
Condi Rice, US Secretary of State, was asked about the British
defection from the US-led coalition in Iraq, but was on her way to
a uptown Manhattan shoe store for a sale on lace-up jack boots,
and had no comment for the media. It should be noted that the
Secretary of State is only a symbolic position, with no real power.

Posted by: Peristroika Shalom | Aug 6 2006 20:38 utc | 2