Moon of Alabama Brecht quote
March 21, 2005

Ghost Rodeo

by anna missed, 35" x 28" douglas fir slab, (detail, compressed)
full, resized, compressed (45 KByte)
full, original size, uncompressed (1,500 KByte)

Posted by b on March 21, 2005 at 13:04 UTC | Permalink


Sarry, anna missed, to grab the front page from you. Your post appeared while I was writing!

One more "star" and you have an European rodeo...

Posted by: Jérôme | Mar 21 2005 13:38 utc | 1

It's about time, anna missed. Very nice. Sadly, an icon for our times.

Posted by: beq | Mar 21 2005 14:48 utc | 2

nice one, anna missed. in addition to the fine writings, analyses & musings always avail here, i also enjoy seeing these artistic creations of some of the bar patrons too. keep it up.

Posted by: b real | Mar 21 2005 16:07 utc | 3

Yeah, some barflies can do it all. ;-)

Posted by: beq | Mar 21 2005 17:32 utc | 4

merci anna missed

i think it is central to our task to share our (selves) with the community here & including our creations is sometimes the most pure way of communicating - so in that sense i thnk you for sharing but so too annie & beq

the difference(s) we possess are the strength as are the intimité of knowing what is happening with jérôme's son or just knowing that b has a cold - i do not find them anodine elements - nor do i find they have that confessional phillip donahue sense - you are simply sharing who you are - multiples & multiplicities

Posted by: remembereringgiap | Mar 21 2005 17:47 utc | 5

Very well put as always, r'giap. I appreciate what Bernhard and Jerome have built here because it allows me to relate on that level (each other's health and daily circumstances) and, I hope, avoid the stain of the ugly American. And merci, yourself. I learn so much from all of you as well.

Posted by: beq | Mar 21 2005 18:02 utc | 6

I had the honor of meeting both Anna Missed and Annie in person on a vacation to Seattle a couple of weeks ago. Both are tremendous artists and fantastic people (with beautiful families). I am a big fan of both of them.

I am just getting over a week long virus from the Foyer-of-Hell via Air Alaska.

Posted by: stoy | Mar 21 2005 18:20 utc | 7

i find the world in this moment so difficult to bare knowing that the gansters are surely in control in a way they have never been in my fifty years. i need all the humanity i can get. the art that some of our community commits brings that humanity here as do others with their specifi expertise(s) that they offer with great generosity

i experience the world very very darkly in this time & paradoxically with the communities i work with i attempt to bring light - a little light - to say that this life merits to be 'lived' - but there are times, many times in the last few months that that world seems to be held together with pieces of wire & string

one of the sites i work is a shelter for men without logement. & more & more of these people are so seriouslly damagef by life that any idea of recuperation - seems somehow cruel - when i was a young poet i worked in a 'chronic ward' in a psychiatric hospital - what was termed then cold storage - because it was a large building - with many many people who lived there - sometimes for decades - & it was like the bedlam of old - nearly a hundred people deeply medicated wandering the corridors of hell - with little or no hope - & i tried to bring poetry to their lives - to make them concious that even in this state there was poetry in them. it was a tough work but there were moments of being given back something & they are moments i will remember unto death

but today in these mens shelters i am seeing 'chronic' cases or people that have been turned by the events of the last five years into chronic cases - & it includes most of the men whether they are breton, african or mahgrebin - people staring into infinite space - men writing page after page of a kind of calligraphy that is neither breath nor writing but a form of digging a gravé

& i feel the bush cheney junta have made a mockery of the world i have so recently come to love - to live with its contrtadictory complexity - to live with the beautiful traces of a possible creation. bush & cheney - mock perversely all the things i love & care for & they have destroyed perhaps for decades any sense that we as a people are capable of sharing our difference in a transformative way

& the slaughter by the most barbaric & cruel means continues in iraq & no doubt wil continue in iran

the humanity you bring bring light - a little light - but a necessary one

Posted by: remembereringgiap | Mar 21 2005 18:41 utc | 8

Well said, indeed, rgaip. I am trying hard not to despair.

Strangly, or maybe not so, Anna Missed's "Ghost Rodeo" cheered me up. (And I really needed it today.)

Posted by: stoy | Mar 21 2005 19:06 utc | 9

Hey, thanks all -- will not bore anyone here with art talk (BUT) I have been doing this kind of stuff my whole adult life, and generally consider it to be my main voice. Some time ago however, my all(encompassing) dissaffection with with US politics led me to stop this work in order to learn& re-assess my position in relation to it all. And this place,the Moon of Alabama, has come to be a very special place and community for me in this process to articulate the context and content for some manner of expression commenserate to the milieu we find ourselves within. On the personal level, I feel much gratitude to all who post here, for their insights and efforts big and small and feel confident that this work we all do, in its own way, will coalesce in ways unexpected and suprising in their lasting effect. Thanks.

Posted by: anna missed | Mar 21 2005 19:40 utc | 10

The images on the picture are not painted on the surface of the wood, but rather, carved into the wood, filled with a cement like material, then sanded flat to the wood surface. The physical effect then is that the image is embedded into the wood, like a fossil. Thought I'd add that, as it's not clear in reproduction.

Posted by: anna missed | Mar 21 2005 20:18 utc | 11

Thanks for sharing/posting, anna missed. I wondered what the process was. Interesting.

I'm humbled by all the talent here.

...and I'm jealous that stoy got to meet you and anna. :)

But glad for you all, as well.

Posted by: fauxreal | Mar 21 2005 20:43 utc | 12

My first impression was that you'd filled in naturally occurring holes in the wood - then I recognized the pattern. lovely and scary at the same time...

then I started wondering if the pattern was painted on or something. thanks for letting us know.

Posted by: citizen | Mar 21 2005 21:17 utc | 13


i am not surprised that the work gave you something in this darkness that we live - i often quote buber's dictum about having power over the nightmare by calling it by its real name - i think that i was great art has always done - you can't get much darker than caravagio or el greco - & they give me life as does the work of rothko. their basic melancholia tell me i am not alone & with beckett for example - it is even possible to laugh within this horror that the tougher call life

in seeing anna missed's work - i think & am reminded of what we don't know what happened in fallujah. what little we know is that it surpassed what the condor legion did in guernica - we know that there were similariities to the destruction of warsaw

i want to ask friends like citizen & slothrop whom i respect, clearly - what else can we call what happened in fallujah other than 'evil' because it surpasses military necessity & enters a world of madness like the world of lt calley - of the enjoyment in slaughter. & here the cultural desecration of iraq is not to be seperated from that slaughter. the profounder insincts at work with military force are a part of yet beyond the nature of capital

it is the delight of man - of power - over those who cannot fight back in any real & legitimate way & must use other means - means that have their roots in that military force itself. that military force follows econmic necessity a la the needs of halliburton & other companies who profit directly from the massacring of human beings

what the nazis di followed imperial imperatives right up to the point of massmurder - but the massmurder whether it happened in death camps or in the use of einsatzgruppen was a task that involved many many people who participated directly. had joy in the undertaking. the obsessive photographing is an example of that joy in power during that period as is the use of the camcorders. there is a real delight in terror. it is not naive. it is simply following the lessons of a culture that uses violence as the only merchacnism that has meaning, spiritual meaning

& then we are surprised when the insurgency uses almost sacred & terrible images of decapitation - that are so awfully human that they tear right through the technological advantage

what have we become - to this point in the early 21st century - to enter barbarity with a speed that seems almost without parallel

i do not know sometimes whether - it is we who are the ghost of fallujah or mosul, whether we are not the spectres from wedding ceremonies that the whitehouse would like to call a meeting of resistants tho all evidence proves the contrary, is it us the phantoms - that are shot with a terrible quotidian reality & without care - all the days & nights of this 'new' iraq

i found the ghost rodeo of a pertinence that is both troubling yet somehow exposing the lies they try to tall. this art breaks thru their lies. & perhaps now it is the role of artists to break thru their lies because journalist who have proved for the most par that their 'trade' is much more contemptible than we have ever imagine

i thank anna missed again for his offering & the ideas that some of us meeting each other concretely just a concretisation of the wealth of communication which takes place here

Posted by: remembereringgiap | Mar 21 2005 21:46 utc | 14

i want to ask friends like citizen & slothrop whom i respect, clearly - what else can we call what happened in fallujah other than 'evil' because it surpasses military necessity & enters a world of madness like the world of lt calley - of the enjoyment in slaughter.

What happened in Fallujah must be called evil - and the madness of those days will haunt everyone who survived it. I want to speak carefully, though, and refrain from calling any person evil. Because the evil person inevitably becomes one whom all are free to abuse and destroy. And the world I seek is one where no one may be abused simply because they fail to say yes or yes sir. To reach this goal, I cannot begin by calling people evil.

Thinking carefully I gather that evil is something that is done by people, but always caused socially. It is one of the proofs of the social - a thing that only manifests through people but is a different thing that transcends them. The same tragedies recur under new masks and new names, snickering at our attempts to blame them on individuals. So I say wholeheartedly that every depraved act done in Fallujah was evil, but to blame any individual for it is to lose sight of what pays for Fallujah, what causes it. To keep track of ways that I can effectively fight what is happening, I don't want to call any person evil. I want to name the reasons for their actions, the causes. The attempts in history that I have seen to replace rampant violence with peace have counted in units of lives and what nourishes them, not of gold. I want to count Fallujah in gold and define what caused it.

And when I imagine trying to convince the mother of any of those soldiers that their boy is evil, I cannot escape the force of their intuitions that it was not their boys, but something else made them do it. But what about the intuitions of the families and friends of the dead and maimed? I cannot imagine myself not wanting vengeance, not wanting to hold the knife. What about their intuition that the killers and maimers are evil? If I am to fight for the humanity I dream of, then I have to say the evil is social. But not invisible. It exists in every action, and every one of those actions are to be opposed. Anyone who would stand in the way of preventing those evil actions is casting his lot with evil social powers. But the defenders of evil are not the source, and it does not help to kill the role player and imagine the role will vanish. It matters to attack the structure but pray for the soul of its servant.

Anna missed's piece for me does not assault any individual, but simply unveils the narrative itself. This empire is like a flawed diamond - hard but shot through with lines that will shatter at a well placed blow. All I am saying is to study the rock and strike well. We will all have to work with the pieces that result.

Posted by: citizen | Mar 21 2005 23:34 utc | 15

well said citizen. If the empire falls apart (americans leave w/out the traces of occupation in any way), is the war just even if the reason for war is unjust? If such evils serendipitously or otherwise accumulate to empopwer shia and kurds and toss religious fundamentalism and neocolonialism into history's garbage can, is the outcome just?

In this case, we must welcome Bush as an unwitting hero--his heroism the product of his stupidity.

Posted by: slothrop | Mar 21 2005 23:52 utc | 16


i understand well & accept what you are saying as the truth of the matter - after all i am a marxist & understand that all is socially determined but it is the fact that the horror of our time has a spectral quality as if all the wronged dead are centred somewher in fallujah & in what happened in fallujah & in what we dont know of what happened

what does it say of this humanity of ours that the last empire - the american empire has taken lock stock & barrel the policies of the nazis in the east & from that terrible moment when german citizens gathered up all the jews of riga & attacked them with axes, with stones with iron bars until the streets of rig were full of the blood of humanity & their hi istory & this scene is now being played out in the ancient civilisation of the middle east - the same terror - the same awful willingness of ordinary human beings to become executioners

the spectral for me is the lessons unlearned - in the east & in the death camps man looked at himself in a new way & it did not unhinge him - worse than that - what happens in our history is an almost silent complicity with that terror. for we all know. even the faithful servant of foxnews know

& that to me makes this unbearable suffering take on a spectral quality in all of us as if our own lives have been hollowed out by this horror & our knowledge of it

Posted by: remembereringgiap | Mar 21 2005 23:53 utc | 17

citizen, from Teaching English as a foreign language (?) on the open thread:

– Jilan Hassan (aged 14), orphaned at Tal Afar, January 18th 2005, when U.S. troops killed her parents.

Aged 14. What have we done?

Posted by: beq | Mar 22 2005 0:05 utc | 18

"If it were up to me, I'd kill the Americans and drink their blood."

Blew the tags.

Posted by: beq | Mar 22 2005 0:06 utc | 19

citizen & slothrop

i am just feeling what beq is feeling. i feel the physical hurt & shame of what is being done - i feel it at a personal level. i work with people of arabic origin every day & i witness their sorrow - in my way here i try to offer what help is possible in the circumstances that my situation allows

but i have never felt the works of the empire in a distant way - in an 'objective' way - my first steps in the movement - when i was so young - were driven by my heart free of nostalgia of a heart that believed & it is still that instrument which is at the core of all i do

so when i speak of 'evil' i am speaking of the despoiling of that heart, of the putrefaction of that heart in face of events that are in any sense - insane

& the insanity of this war drives me much further into darkness than i want to go but our actions must be based on comprehending fully the terrible reality of our times

i am not a model - i am a man. what is happening is not history but a lived reality that we live all the nights of our days

Posted by: remembereringgiap | Mar 22 2005 0:21 utc | 20

As usual, I couldn't say it better than you. Thanks. It actually helped me through some thoughts I have been having about art, blogging and protecting my sanity while still being effective and finding meaningfulness in it all.

Fauxreal, if I hadn't mentioned it before, congrats on your new program! (I have been out of the loop for three weeks.) Yes, it was so good to meet Anna Missed, but the Annie I was refering to meeting as well is our "Annie", the ceramicist and fellow Billmonaire. If I remember Anna Missed correctly, he said there is no Anna in his life. (Hint: say "Anna Missed" fast!) Annie and Anna Missed both live in the same fair greater metro area.

Posted by: stoy | Mar 22 2005 3:40 utc | 21

as you round the bend of the magical yard w/ the squacking chickens and botticelli children(no exaggeration)one birthday girl surrounded by unicorns and a young sir lancelot we enter the shed w/ thick slabs of wood and rich aroma shocking helicopter image and horizontal action crusty zigzags of anna mists life he shares w/his oh so everly beautiful muse in an island paradise w/ little wooden fairyland home.
i pinch myself it wasn't a dream. stoy's brilliantmagicgirl sets me staight when i entice her to enter the home to say goodbye,tempting her from the trainset playland."sometime you just need to be alone"
she could have lost herself in the garden for eternity.

Posted by: annie | Mar 22 2005 4:13 utc | 22

I am stuck in the middle here. I never became a Quaker because I knew for sure that I would most likely fiercely attack anyone who harmed my family or friends, or even my guests. My blood boils, and does not care for my careful thoughts. But that settles nothing.

I have at least one student whose daughter is training to go to Iraq, and whose son has come back from there. I would not look him in the eye and tell him he has evil children, and so I will not do it here behind his back either. What if their hearts are curdled and despoiled? I say they were coerced into the cesspool. And though they will have to get out of it on their own capacity to repent - I will not label them murder fodder. that is already being done for me by the executive and legislature of my country.

Posted by: citizen | Mar 22 2005 7:34 utc | 23

I have at least one student whose daughter is training to go to Iraq, and whose son has come back from there. I would not look him in the eye and tell him he has evil children, and so I will not do it here behind his back either.

When I wrote that it seemed important not to be two-faced. But I can be most human if I speak more earnestly to my friend and student - no need for me to call his children evil, but rather to speak the truth to him too. He knows better than I that his children will hold themselves responsible, one way or the other, for all their actions. He knows that his flesh and blood will pay if they fail themselves. We both know about My Lai and soldiers' pasts as nice civilians will not save them from what they do:

This kid's name was Mike Terry and Sy talked about him last night, for those of you who were there. He was, I thought, one of the finest people I ever met. He was the all-American boy, wrestler in college, all-state champion, had respect for everybody around him, didn't swear, didn't speak badly of women, was not into the macho sort of bragging that was going on by a lot of people. He was just a very fine human being.

We had talked about this before we arrived when we were on our way to Vietnam, before we got there and after we got there, because I began to hear complaints from these guys about Lieutenant Calley, this guy who was their officer who they just loathed, who they thought was incompetent and a whole lot of otlier things. So I arrived in the LURP (LRRP) company and began to go out on missions. On my first five missions, of the six men who were on our team, four of them had been at My Lai. I was going out with these guys and gathering this information. I would go and talk to them and I would try to find each of them, get each of them in a one-on-one conversation

I'd ask them, "Hey, man what happened at Pinkville?" And it would be like lancing a boil. I mean, if you asked them, they were compelled to talk. They couldn't stop talking. They were horrified that it had occurred, that they had been there, and in the instances of all of these men, that they had participated in some way. The story I'd been told about what Mike Terry had done and what my other friend, Billy Dougherty, had done were, I thought, stunning and terrifying in a certain way. But I didn't ask Mike about it for, I guess, probably a month, I don't know why, exactly, but we went out on a mission, we went off into something called Happy Valley, which is west of the city called Tam Khe, in the northern part of the Americal divisional area of operation. Sat up on a hill for four days, and watched a trail, and watched fully combat ready North
Vietnamese soldiers walk down this trail, counted them, and called in artillery a couple of times as they were marching to a battle which was across the valley from us and we could see it. We sat there and whispered through these four days and watched and when they came finally to get us at last light, they dropped us at the fire base that this battle was being operated out of. We went and got some food and talked to a few of the grunts who had just come back out of this battle. Then Mike and I went off and found ourselves a bunker to lay up on top of for that night and sleep.

We lay, down and I asked him, "Hey, Mike, what happened at Pinkville? Tell me what happened at Pinkville." And he tells me this terrible story of going in with Lieutenant Calley, and sweeping through the village and watching these murders and the rapes and everything that was going on and seeing what was happening, what happened at the ditch. About eleven o'clock Mike and Billy sat down within fifteen or twenty feet of the ditch to have their lunch. They took out their C-rations and opened their food and started eating but they couldn't really finish it, because there was too much noise coming from the ditch. People who are mortally wounded but not yet dead make a lot of noise. People die hard; they don't want to give up life. The people in this ditch were laying there. Those who were still alive were groaning and crying out and some of their limbs were flopping spasmodically, which happens to people who are mortally wounded.

There must've been a terrible God-awful racket, a horrifying sound, I'm sure. They couldn't eat, so they stood up, two of them and they walked over to the ditch and they divided up the survivors and they walked down the ditch, one on each side, finishing off all the survivors. "There's one, you take him". "OK". Pow, pow "There's one, you get him". "OK". Pow, pow. Up and down the ditch once. When they returned to their food, the ditch was quiet.

When the first guy, whose name was Butch Gruber, told me this story, he told me about the ditch and about what Mike and Billy had done. But I needed to hear it from them. When I asked them about it, they said, "Yeah, yeah, it's all true". Mike told me the story and it was really a cloudless night and there were a zillion stars out there. After he finished we just lay there for a couple of minutes and finally I said "Mike, my God, Mike ... don't you know that was wrong?" And he said, "I don't know, man, I don't know, it was just one of them things." He rolled over; a couple of minutes later I could see he was asleep. We never really talked about it much after that.

or they'll pay for staying steel:

The one thing I needed that I didn't have was somebody who had been there, who was a witness and who had not participated. I didn't have any reason necessarily to believe my friends wouldn't be honest when they were asked about it. On the other hand, they had participated in this terrible crime and maybe they wouldn't. So I felt I needed somebody that I could count on and I knew of such a man, his name was Michael Bernhardt. But he was still out in the field; I could never find him because he was simply never available.

The reason he was never available is that Captain Medina, he believes the reason, I should say, he was never available, was that Captain Medina had come to him that night after the massacre, knew that he hadn't participated, knew that he was a potential troublesome person and threatened him. He said "Bernhardt, you better keep your mouth shut about this, buddy." And Mike said, "Yes, sir." He stayed out in the field; they wouldn't let him out of the field. He tried to transfer into the LRRP company They wouldn't let him. He tried to transfer every place, they wouldn't let him.

Every time they thought an ambush was coming, they'd send him up to the front of the line, where they thought the ambush was gonna be. He walked point in all the dangerous places and in the last four months he got jungle rot so bad, he could barely walk and they wouldn't let him out of the field. Finally, with about three weeks to go, he just jumped on a supply chopper as it was lifting off and without anybody's permission and went into the infirmary, the aid station, at the 11th brigade headquarters at Duc Pho and the doctors said, "Holy Mackerel, what's wrong with you? I mean, why weren't you here earlier?"

As far as I understand infantry service, you are on the team or halfway to the other side. Even Siegfried Sassoon went back into battle again rather than lose the friendship of his unit. Who else will ever understand you again? But the truth is that you have to stay on your own side, or you're lost, like Stanley Goff says, or like this unnamed private knew:

As he enjoyed the peaches, Lt. Calley ordered a young African-American private sitting nearby to finish off the dying people to shut them up. The private refused. Calley told him if he didn’t obey orders he’d be finished off too.

The private pointed his gun at Calley and said:

“Well I guess we’re both going to die then!

Calley backed off. Presumably he didn’t enjoy the rest of his peaches.

I had the privilege of meeting Hugh Thompson and Larry Colburn several years ago, and what was clear to me was that when Thompson told the U.S. soldiers his gunner would shoot them if they killed the villagers he was rescuing, those soldiers would have known he meant it. He's a serious man, and Colburn and Andreotta were lucky to be under him. Thompson, Bernhardt, Ridenhour - they were serious about who they were and what they did more than they cared about getting slaps on the back. They knew that it's not enough to intend the good, you have to intend to do the good. Individual actions can be evil or good.

Posted by: citizen | Mar 22 2005 18:58 utc | 24

thank you citizen

& i hope you uderstand that i was not hectoring you - simply sometimes i feel so dumb in front of the horror that is being created by the empire. th knowledge i have gained in this life seems to count for naught before these events & their manipulation by the servants of the empire

it is in that - the truths contained in art - in this case of anna missed which leads me closer to comprehension of what we are & what we might be

Posted by: remembereringgiap | Mar 22 2005 19:38 utc | 25

no hectoring felt here. Rather, a need to get some roots on my countrypeople, some memories of how time works.

So I thank anna missed for art that demands knowledge, that gives it a place, for a box of wood that generates life from out of memory.

Posted by: citizen | Mar 22 2005 20:21 utc | 26

an interesting site too with substantial information on war crimes by the american empire over a considerable period of time

i just wish that its anti zionism did not slide so easily into anti semitism in its rather solid work on 9-11

unfortunately i do not see their 'conspiracies' nor any of their cabals - i just see empire acting in the way it always has - thoughtless brutal & not an ounce of either instinctual or actual intelligence

i do not see conspiracies but i als do not see this generic international capital that slothrop sees - capital has a name & its deed have an appellation & there are criminals who ought to be judged for their actions

i came from a culture which has made a virtue of forgetting - of not remembering so that it can recommit crime after crime, indecency after indecency, stupidity after stupidity & it projects that it has no recollection of these acts neither has a higher morality capable of asking for forgiveness & seeking real & substantial forms or reconciliation

i am still in awe of mandela's leadership humanity & intelligence & that of the african national congress. they turned away from what would have been a necessary bloodbath to a form of understanding that is without parallel. this giant of a man & his heroic people have done what the aboriginal people of australia call a 'shame job' on the gutlessness & absence of intelligence of the empire & its allies

Posted by: remembereringgiap | Mar 22 2005 21:35 utc | 27

ghost rodeo (improvisations pour anna missed)
in memory of sun ra & crazy horse

i cannot explain/& will not/under circumstances/you are lucky
with what you/get goods/regular as regret/feltl writing
sermons on soil/you’ll never stand/on point/of principle perhaps
that is practice/these days though/i don’t know/i’m very far
removed from crowd/as they gathered/in street/for demonstration/of fact
they were selling/beautiful wooden hearts/to angels
wanting to become/pilgrims in dance/while bell rings/in their prologue
& other men/carry cargo/giving signal/for another kind/of worship beginning
you touch chimes/& covering ourselves/with seaweed surely/going into twilight
with damned/i’ve become ambassador/fathoming fear/that drives chariot
down crooked streets/we obey rules/of the ghosts/who’re following us
sensing our syllables/will soon break/into speech/that will punish
us further famine/no worse than/luxury being local/custom to create
christened tongue/does its business/all over globe/words are being
translated into another/language lingers long/after it's usefull
crossing seven seas/in hollow boats/to harvest/where angels mime
manners of emporer/that genesis/adam & eve/planting seed/in shadows
while rabble watches/& pulls lever/on intricate machine/i have constructed
to find fortune/in fever/i've developed bride/in noble acts
i have performed/while building mansion/for a sovereign/i’ll never see
zodiac he charts/by candles/he keeps in/his room alight
& outside whirlwind/isn’t an accident/that can be/depended upon later
when mining emeralds/opals & coal/useless in morning
when mute bride/opens door/& forgets you/so you sing/an old lament
you picked up/somewhere or other/when you trained/to be prodigal
but it never/worked out that/way this way/this isn’t judgement
nor memorial/to acts/of bad faith/or reckless charm
perhaps only leaves/left in book/i’ll always read/before the climax
exultant i’m invoking/so many names/i’ve lost account/kings & queens
tying thread/like any merchant/has his price/carved in stone
next to treasure/that isn’t valued/that isn’t valued/at this time/in this place
someone else will/drop the net/fishing for facts/finding only fish
to be sold/to a crowd/wishing it was/waiting for crucifixion
to begin business/of living holy/& then vanishing/inside a storm
with carrion birds/selecting a story/refusing to retreat/to borders
we have broken/treaties & promises/elements in fiction/it is said/descend down here
when we weave/in & out/of assembly/someone has organised/for this solitude
to be sent/away on vacation/to our origins/not so dissimilar/to king lear
who’s still howling/in front room/playing the record/over & over
he has trespassed/into a transgression/he will not/name the the next/in line for
an anonymous inspector/solemn & savage/looks at stamps/he has collected
for album/declaimed every day/on street corners/in eighteenth arrondisement
where i’m being/betrayed before breakfast/on ferry/we are taking/to another place
we’ll tear apart/anniversaries & memorials/sending saviour/to back where
he came from/wilderness or wind/it doesn’t matter/he wouldn’t have
lasted under interrogation/before the multitude/breathed miraculous breath
in the shipyard/of doom’s desire/arriving as avalanche/sullen & ambitious
a prophet harangues/only man/left in loss/on jetty
someone’s being baptised/before his brethren/decide to deny/the second third
or first coming/atoning for others/sins so speechless/they are forced
to dance deliberately/creating a turbulence/after we’ve adored
magicians in mania/walking to haven/where birds swoop/down on book
we’ve thrown away/hoping ascension assisted/by good works
though we don’t/believe in burden/of being saints/seeking shrine
of another’s mouth/still uttering prayer/after deluge broke/sometime mid century
interpreted as invasion/of soviet union/but we know/better by bible
that we recite/to the martyrs/that are coming/off ship/we have sunk
blessing all on/board welcoming barbarians/who can enjoy/this small enterprise
so saluting shipwreck/crying in cathedral/roy orbison sang/an occassional hymn
to remember flame/& a vow/he had taken/his fortune final/in back seat
of new model/of old car/advertised in life/magazine a partnership
between a public/that doesn’t want/& a publisher/who won’t give
substantial our slide/into the volcano/before it burns/out is ocular
in most forms/of scripture certainly/this is prejudice/i have developed
along with corruption/that has led/to this damnatio/& another sermon
i shall speak/inarticulate but innoculated/navigating narrative
you’ll mostly miss/as a harangue/or a mythology/you’ve no pleasure
in discovering anymore/than you can/find fish/i have placed/on the table
hoping to build/revenue for retreat/but supposing that/is also propoganda
i have understood/much too late/to come in/useful i utter/what can be
in this document/tongue on fire/in global village/that marshall mcluhan
did not see/were in ruins/nor marionettes/in an opera/that won’t finish
this is vindication/of 400 years/of bad theatre/without any majesty
in a parliament/of promises sealed/except in pagoda/where primal scene
is being enacted/to a crowd/that includes judas/& maybe another
addicted to answers/& other assertions/masquerading as mission
to recuperate regret/simultaneouslly while saving/souls so stupid/they don’t know
in hollywood musicals/taboos are transgressed/in every song
that passes someone’s/lips are left/to shout epistles/defending realm
where we’re waiting/for an illumination/is next to/impossible these days
unless you’ve booked/for that kind/of grandeur dissapeared/when thief tumbled
combination in safe/he already knew/what was in/there was here/all the time
we’d abandoned purgatory/to poorer people/transforming into tigers
in our nightmares/we sough heirs/who might carry/weight so willfull
we have entered/into a correspondence/with a ventriloquist/& his doll
curious to claim/appetite for ascension/we’ve never witnessed/camera outside room
catching its prey/hygeinc as himmler/in chicken run/he had kept
within his ministry/he was known/as a man/without much malice/to spare others
was singualr arithmatic/in his vocabulary/twisting at tangents
he sought solutions/like a gambler/seeking a game/he cannot win/so waits silently
for succession/to take place/& be proved/that we are/fools of nature
eligible by conduct/for a missionary/position in public/responsibility of regret
still sanctuary/for the condemned/who have another/strategy all together
now or then/someone will take/initiative on terrain/we’ve never travelled
though dropped anchor/so many times/in our seduction/that’s become burlesque
in promised land/i am playing/a maudlin tune/placing a portfolio/on a pyre
marvelling at mandate/appeasing all allegiances/we’ve treated treacherouslly
requesting vintage wine/before the feast/inhabitants sieze citadel
seething with sorrow/for old times/stalin had believed/in a redemption
for example preaching/was his purpose/& it’s not/so subtle certainly
as american dream/but people wanted/oracles he provided/every five years
in a plan/no one prepared/plundering a paradise/that hadn’t yet
occurred in obvious/way we write/about in annuals/that you’re storing
for the gladiators/shall surely come/with their shields/followed by anthropologists
with their passports/& their contacts/there’s no need/for alarm bells
though board vessels/quickly as possible/before you blaspheme
in devout company/that you keep/aware of dimension/we have escaped
from that fire/& no await/another obstacle course/full of correspondents
filing their copy/for their agencies/owners & kngs/deposed in dream
but that’s another/ellipsis in epoch/drowned in debris/i am choosing
to transform tale/into a science/recognising a remedy/in these ommissions
before an idol/that keeps shattering/so i sing/sonata to skies/& fugitive souls
i am atoning/for satori stolen/from a doctor/who repudiated restraint
& cherished change/as only given/he could trust/but didn’t rejoice
because they’d revoke/his papers persist/in keeping us/awake & alert
dr destouches demaned/quest continaul questioning/& no surrender
nor any capitulation/to the crowd/hammerring at door/stating their solioquoy
in a voice/he might’ve heard/over the wireless/kept in clinic/next to morphine
& other trophies/he had hated/his miraculous mind/austere & alone
languishing in lament/exempted from exile/he was candidate/for a contamination
hostile he hated/a marvelous motif/for this dragon/who loved more/than we can
imagine his technique/enslaved to explosions/occurring in order/that he dwell
in our dread/primitive & proud/he tested tenets/until they taught
that something else/fell from grace/this a doctrine/that cruder minds
embrace with empiricism/that does not/sort soil necessary/condition to chastise
mystery until it/speaks so severely/you’d believe zodiacs/but never in
prophets or peace/paralysis or prayer/leda & swan/a formidable duo
in anyone’s imagination/if it works/take two tablets/& hear hercules

Posted by: remembereringgiap | Mar 24 2005 13:17 utc | 28

That is very very fine, remembereringgiap. anna missed should be proud to inspire so. Your works are complimentary, indeed.

Posted by: beq | Mar 24 2005 13:27 utc | 29

& you beq, for your graciousness

Posted by: remembereringgiap | Mar 24 2005 21:15 utc | 30

ghost rodeo (2nd improvisation)

i am sure/of so little/i just guess/my way around/all the answers
written somewhere specifically/i can’t read/or tell you/where it is
perhaps in conrad/though that’s obvious/maybe in puzo’s/romance with godfather
who would look/after us all/wouldn’t mind/if brando
remained don/with absolute authority/because he has/sense of humour
but columbia studios/cannot finance that/instead it intervenes
in american family/we have picture/that’s straight out/of alfred hitchcock
without laughs incidentally/i am reading/about phillip larkin
a minor poet/of last empire/that lost boys/all over pacific/& the meditteranean
in a bloodbath/they called winning/the good fight/though we know
better than that/just look at/what we called/the soviet union/secured in savagery
of many types/stalin couldn’t conceal/love of them/even if elsewhere
they’d lost faith/in his uniform/which looked too/much like czarina
& i can/imagine uncle joe/dressing in frocks/in hard years/when he decided
fate of world/in georgian’s hands/& anybody who/feels otherwise fear
for facts/fixed & frugal/on this matter/it is to/soviets we owe
thanks for thudding/their way through/a few years/in this century
leaving us little/to believe in/except human muscle/& human frailty
perhaps we can/make a myth/from all that/though its doubtfull
& i wonder/at all wires/that’re weaving through/these splendid veins
in a way/maddonna might misinterpret/as a mystery/she’ll leave alone
when she picks/some human flesh/from the markets/she visits nightly
when daylight negotiates/ seperate peace/with enemy
we’ve not met/though they are/a long way/from their home/as song suggests
especially when sung/by paul robeson/making boats fall/off the edge/of a world
an everyday occurence/with this imagination/bringing me down/to this earth
that’s been plotted/on map/i haven’t seen/before these boundaries
where i weep/wounded & wailing/notating score/i have missed/it entirely it
so they say/when climbing circumferences/somewhere at sea/seeking final solution
to problem persisiting/i have remained/dutiful & determined/paring down poesy
all my life/spent opening doors/a permanent patient/wandering in corridors
for just staying/just without virtue/virtue without piety/piety without peace
van morrison suggested/no guru no/method no teacher/that is exacting
i am reminded/that having run/long distance race/in short time
let me go/back to time/that i spent/in a hospital/recovering from overdose
sometime in1979/having failed attempt/that wasn’t serious/as i thought
really requiring respite/or perhaps pursuing/storm in teacup/& finding leaves
in a configuration/i have danced/thirty nine years/& breath short
i’m fallen angel/in a den/of thieves thinking/for themselves thoroughlly
taoist tradition tells/the first act/is to call/then to name
whether we are/serpent or sun/still same subject/under the circumstances
suffering is house/someone else built/inside tomb/an ornate devastation
surrendering creative act/supervising a soul/i have loaned/for long time
projecting a possibility/of another action/altogether in prayer
still powerful praxis/i never get/used to it/these questions need
answering in axis/that’s been built/for wrong reasons/on another continent
someone is plunging/into deep water/in swimming pool/while watering weeds
an extraordinary adventure/was vladimir mayakovsky’s/way of describing
essential essential ethics/& their movement/comes as surprise/still so still
most of us/have hard time/locating a line/we can follow
exactly as euriphedes/must’ve followed tragedy/in that way/that greeks must
with an intermediary/you invent interlocutor/to invade ice
& there’s difference/to be described/in a film/we might shoot
downby river/revelation will be/reflex you’ll reach/naturally nature notices
space still shifting/institutes of anxiety/to higher ground/where i’m enrolled
graduating in grace/by degrees destabilising/parabolas of punishment
are not elaborated/in any work/by de sade/you can forget/meaning & intention
you shall focus/on syle’s intervention/i have nothing/to say here
again all i/want to wait/until right moment/though that’s theme
you’ll read about/in big books/you buy regularly/scales of fish
to cover yourself/as queen might/in a madness/she would share/like good communist
perhaps this prosaic/pounding of pen/onto a page/that ought to
stay quite blank/not giving anything/away i’m away/in panics paradise
formation that’s what/i’m looking for/key to boat/& its many
engines as i/am only one/that got through/desert of splinters
that’re getting caught/in thin strands/of my hair
resting on you/i am imagining/our child gathering/gold & lessons
we will teach/how to submerge/descending into day/notating the night
in diagram/that kandinsky sketched/in his bedroom/above a tabacconist
on wrong side/of a city/that wasn’t near/tracks laid down
by a workman/who had doctorate/in chemical engineering/& read sanskrit
in spare time/writing parable/into little book/that he gives/away as gift
to man lying/in a hospital/somewhere in serbia
someone else calculates/how far we/have got elsewhere/on parched page
we’ll all read/at one time/or another guessing/how to draw/lines on graph
that constitutes map/at present moment/that’s our heresy/we hail highly
enough to give/medals or editorials/in small time/newspapers that know
words on page/after a manner/you get used/to it tongue/tied to this
in that game/poor hermann hesse/tried to detail/in poor novel
he shouldn’tve written//in that germany/that never occurred
if blue angel/is to be/believed on basics/she had tried/to pass on
when her tongue/in teacher’s mouth/maybe he’s resucitating
after facts known/as relaible flow/of information for/you eyes only
knowing my buddha/nature is resting/inside these intestines
that’re wrapping themselves/around my form/like houdini’s chains
or maybe muddrah/you are wearing/in your hair/garland of grass/i have weaved
on a night/i couldn’t sleep/so i read/about investment bankers
& their greed/going on graph/i am plotting/point by point
that will feature/in your albums/we will show/to our children
cherishing such subject/under their objectification/on a morning
we watched waves/& identified characters/chinese & otherwise
turning into trees/strange birds rest/while you hold/arrow aiming ahead
forgetting own being/imitating/imitating an insect/eating its own
knowing that we/eat each other/at one time/or another impression
reached by rowing/ clever canoe/through the tides
conditioned to climb/over the moon/as in dream
that we use/to find way/down to path/in nursery rhyme
that is being/used for archetypes/in another analysis
i won’t mention/any body’s name/invent an internality/make a mandala
that you’ll acknowledge/by its absence/you’ll understand body
positing its presence/invisible & immolating/on troubled waters
gulf of tonkin/is an example/or bering strait/is quite another
regions of regret/so i wake/forgetting a file/i have written/as a memorandum
words on birds/for a journal/you will carry/without any anger
i’ll lose skin/sentencing a serpent/to have concience/showing better way

Posted by: remembereringgiap | Mar 24 2005 21:58 utc | 31

ghost rodeo
(3rd improvisation)

& in another/town & city/buildings are burning/as hands raised
in contemporary salute/shouting out liturgy/that is cruder
than they imagine/smaller world possible/i am afraid/that's not clear
to them selling/badges & uniforms/from another time/so very close
you can hear/the words still/when keeping quiet/in a cafe
yugoslavia somalia iraq/are only names/to be found/in crossword
in newspaper/i am lying/across a table/with empty pen
scratching a sound/& making sense/while americans mimic
thirty years ago/their president young/brutal & banal
making himself prince/building castle/best & brightest/being rewarded then
with high office/they only fucked/up what's left/though this innocence
cannot be forgiven/honduras cuba vietnam/have long memories
longer than you/think about this/when repeating broadcast
heard/when only nine/that someone shot/someone in plaza
i didn't care/nor do i/now know he/was as efficient/as any middle
ranking military officer/imitating napoleon himself/who imitated frenchmen
in a court/in tehran iran/someone is tried/in absentia perhaps
author on ice/in scottish bar/waiting for fight/to break out
so he'll smash/bottle over head/of editor/who's buying drinks
& assorting anecdotes/that'll be published/ready for christmas
arriving on table/in a house/in hampstead maybe/even in barcelona
or sixth arrondisement/they will discuss/arrival of refugees
though this name/has lost meaning/when everyone refugee
from somewhere someplace/knowing i am/saying the obvious
so you'll forget/it much better/than if tattoed/on your body
maps are merging/& mingling maliciously/into a milieu
you can lead/all troops forwards/into killing field
so adequately described/in television programme/lasting fifty minutes
before naked woman/rubs a lotion/over her skin/so she can
enter next century/a little cleaner/than she left/the old one
buys a wine/incanting a date/1940 perhaps paris/she is saying
though i thought/she was talking/about now today/yesterday or tomorrow
i've passed information/on to case/you are hiding/beneath the stairs
as in children's/story you're reading/out quite aloud/so i hear
every word said/& i'm dictating/just in case/i can use/it in document
i am building/an intelligence service/without ever needing/to know facts
daphne & chloe/are an example/i won't detail/romolus & remus
cain & abel/dedicated to devolution/that'd take place/during a winter
we would win/all prizes falling/from tree/we'd cut down
in a garden/so very close/to our skin/i recite adorno/to the birds
knowing there's lyric/beneath soil/where my blood/filters its longing
this isn't divine/interpretation of events/rather the opposite
down to earth/is place/preferred in pantomime/while emperor undresses
holding an icon/that can be/taken to pharmacist/turned into ice
with word/or two mentioned/across counter/where pamphlets spread
in a pattern/that's forcing me/to recognise picture/you are painting
portraits so exact/that you can/give as gift/to her image
beginning to deteriorate/searching for saints/in assembly line
that's called literature/that's called language/that's called culture
i couldn't give/the proverbial fuck/as we'd say/in a changeroom
on an oval/where we played/sports & battles/amounted to same
thing subject object/you make sense/& bring order/& i'll wait
speaking to shadow/who is leaning/against me globe/i have carved
from butter perhaps/for an exhibition/you would review
in your journals/i pull paper/from its binding/& make jets
that'd bomb illinois/to stone age/if i'd wealth/to change this
structure so stupid/you call history/changing of guard/something to that
effect or affect/is already administered/to patient/i have slipped
some other somniferant/pulls me away/from all this/almost perfect definition
as heart freezes/over a sentiment/i can't express/lies & leaves
you have left/guards on door/before i'm executed/sentences so savage
i am tearing/away at body/i hardly posses/at all times
it has belonged/to someone else/this isn't said/with any bitterness
on the contrary/i've understood position/placed in pantheon
on wall/with other bottles/you're aiming at/with missile
that's been launched/like boats before/me at moment/i'm looking out
window to harbour/makes me feel/i'm in portugal/though i'm in
chateau rouge paris/another africa altogether/though cloth same
as those silk/you cover me/in our nights/when stories told
to compare cost/you'd need accountant/who understood figures
historical & otherwise/i am turning/myself into mortuary/of all that
passed between us/routes of transgression/not eloquent path
rarely a repetition/used to reconstruct/raids on refuge
i once had/empires & kingdoms/though you'll have/to take word
i am giving/away family treasure/in these statements/as tears roll
like russian tank/in checkoslovakia 1968/i am directing
a comic opera/from small space/a moderate mania/melting my wings
as angels ascend/all around altar/attacked as amens/assertions as alien
as breath breathed/in & out/like russian prince/in parisian restaurant
sometime in twenties/you bought dynasties/to terrace house
where you dined/on their memories/turned into memoirs
for american publisher/sat on edge/ofcircle/knowing prophet
when he saw/one & one/always makes two/even in german
saviours are rare/when cloud breaks/down in principle
you're amongst dust/blown off pages/that once strutted
across a mind/simple as faustus/any bargain good/enough for miracle
or an apparition/that i'm noting/here with machinery
at my disposal/you can find/a ripped postcard/of st sebastian
& on street/before her print/names on sheets/hanging from windows
mirroring sky/you cannot see/stratagems & suns/i keep here
in my pocket/i have ticket/to an anniversary/you are invited
to bring lovers/on a chain/throughout the fog/as something strikes
sound so sane/i hear rhymes/i once played/out on tin/in a backyard
you could witness/parade of passion//punch & judy/an easy dialectic
floating on seas/where we sank/ships of soil/near a lock
hoping it'd pull/us down there/amongst the fish/we had caught
images of ourselves/that made us/wish we were/one with another
in gentle fury/we picked ourselves/up from ground/walking towards pole
where charts hung/like obscene flags/directing us dutifully
from another night/projecting us forward/away from light
above that building/where she levitates/as in pasolini
movie teorema transcendent/transfixes this tale/i am telling
from the bottom/of this heart/hauling a wreckage/with a breath
grasping a shroud/placed around shoulders/since those streets
confined a confession/i would've made/to a procession
though they wanted/to listen to/anecdotes & annuals/bought for them
from second hand/bookshops behind building/where you woke
from miserable sleep/you brought day/down to size
with an equation/you reduced flesh/to a skeleton/we could see
doubt dreaming dread/readying us for/an exile waited
beyond exile itself

Posted by: | Mar 25 2005 0:44 utc | 32

that is i

Posted by: remembereringgiap | Mar 25 2005 0:46 utc | 33

that is i..........................indeed.

no better response to art than art, and breathless, in the horn section, will continue to blow, for any to show, where it goes -- space is the place -- everywhere and not.


Posted by: anna missed | Mar 25 2005 9:45 utc | 34

ghost rodeo (4th & final improvisation)

again for anna missed & albert ayler

knowing i'm man/who cannot return/to where ever/it began somewhere
& only you/know what it's/like to leave/someone at border`
as they fall/behind you uttering/phrase perhaps poetry
you have discussed/saviours & sailors/though you hate/ships & sailing
haven't even learnt/to swim tides/breaking all over/us so finite
i can reach/inside pocket/acknowledge future/before it tears
me apart now/from all that/i exalt miracle/i never expected
& using this/personal pronoun persistently/so you know/that i'm talking
about the other/whose never mentioned/except in library
we burnt down/both our houses/& left others/to watch ruins
build a history/they can recount/as an anecdote
that'll be believed/only certainty i/know we impoverished
that we sew/skin over skin/to hide layer/we love learning
destruction & decoration/are only methods/to open carcass
we'll call business/of living uncertain/is something i/am expert
am an ammunition/dump they're detonating/on some day/or other night
you'll forget me/as others before/have made /icon of ice
cold so cold/i'm wearing all/my clothes vanity/i allow myself
to deconstruct days/so they speak/to the you/whose not listening
nor likely to/name a nuance/i have deliberated/over this organisation
words & themes/though you'd call/it automatic response/knowing i long
for that superior/form of wisdom/that chinese have/known for centuries
& we dumb/daydreamers totalising everything/with a mind/feeble & fragile
that can't tell/day from night/on most nights/wishing it day
sometime in nantes/when you both/in this body/ejected into space
all i mean/can be enunciated/in those moments/& this science
i'm proud of/ability to absorb/that can be analysed by audience
true or not/they know it/soon as spoken/even the dumbest/of them know
there are meridians/we're moving towards/at all times/though we don't
want to listen/want to speak/want to have/want to love
what cannot be/is a question/i'm too stupid/to answer here
or perhaps later/i'll leave it/to those talking/around a table
so many scientists/searching subject/that's before eyes
cry please cry/before you break/down all together/now in chorus
you want time/from 10euro/watch i'm wearing/to conceal hours
so i'll bend/down & cry/like infant jesus/this not aggrandisement
i couldn't be/further removed far/away from this/the ends close
& i know/it so well/can give/such specific detail/it'd frighten you
so i'll stay/quiet so quiet/you won't hear/me slipping into
night to nourish/robert rossen recognised/it by lack/of light certainly
he knew angles/better than i/do you know/what i'm saying/sound & sane
at this hour/i feel like/you vladimir vlamirovich/when you waited
outside lili's door/there was past/you'd stay in/she would last
for fifty years/in moscow mulling/over the facts/you called life
by its real/name you uttered/violently & violating/all those believers
who want words/to stay silent/at least for/century or two
then quietly spoken/alone in room/by autistic accountant/who wants to
shout this song/in paris tonight/though i'm alone/in a room
that i'm sharing/with too many/pages & prayers/i cannot collect
armies are entering/by all doors/stuttering their surnames/as they fall
all over me/scars & signs/you'll write about/some time later
when it safer/you can follow/orders are given/at regular intervals
so you won't/miss a moment/that'll mark you/menace & messiah
though i have/no such delusions/having been brought/up in poverty
somewhere in suburb/in australia maybe/i just survived/silence oh silence
you embrace me/at wrong time/when i leave/by back door/in arab cafe
where patron orders/coffees for me/knowing my nerves/in perfect condition
for another departure/approaches me announcing/dates & denials
i know by/heart & soul/are two ingredients/i've kept mixing
hoping recipe works/knowing it won't/because night defeats
in its way/of being ocean/i cannot swim/in sleep never
i just collapse/dreams delivering demons/announcing all decisions
i've made commands/i am prepared/to follow you/all the way
to another town/in another novel/someone has written/just for us
house of love/is being built/somewhere in antarctica
though there's casino/constituted so carefully/next to us
so we'll know/that it's run/by numbers known/to select few
we don't exist/in that number/& are glad/for that mercy
described in testament/somewhere you'll search/reference so refined
gnostics will grab/a smooth operator/before selling sainthoods
by their name/we shall know/them so thematic/you can go/through all books
find a word/two or three/perhaps a phrase/certainly a sentence
even a clue/eludes you everywhere/you look away/as i walk
towards a hell/i know well/by its borders/huge & hugging
i mentioned this/on a poem/i wrote 1977/when first here
looking for legends/& losing loss/on the way/as an angel
you imagine gangster/i am pretty/boy floyd dillinger
preferring another arithmetic/altogether now amounting/to almost nothing
this obvious equation/i am making/but i don't/feel ashamed i
am saying this/so you know/without any question/what i'm saying
loud & clear/in several tongues/at a time/it is heard
in algerian restaurant/they mistake me/for parisian prostitute
down on luck/looking for love/in late hours/lost in line
you are drawing/between us boundaries//we've already crossed
the seventeenth enigma/spirit & matter/so they say
in significant statements/i spit out/of this mouth/when you whisper
that i should/stay in silence/exalting in exile/watching wounded walk
way towards war/no cleaner today/other than in/sarejevo or somalia
subjects so specious/i leave them/alone they'll grow/weeds in winter
in our garden/there is heart/that is beating/for us all/this a lapse
an awkward image/i shall repeat/elsewhere in exegesis
you'll call definitions/towards a note/i'll never write/a letter home
again i'll announce/so sweat speaks/in a language/you can understand
we are close/as we will/ever be

Posted by: remembereringgiap | Mar 25 2005 16:54 utc | 35

fallujah variations

ships gone down. i’ll attend to museum in twilight. hiding next to registry of births and deaths. when we all went down. all other people here hide in rubble waiting to be informed.

being saturday all of us remained quartered. i asked him to make exploration of riverbed on horseback to see how far it reaches. horse not here so he went on foot to request one from another. by nightfall he had not returned. by nightfall no news.

i am out here in centre. somewhere. a depraved boy always a soldier loitering in the vicinity of paradise. rumour they have found me near a rock where the view of the world too small. i once owned a demon that will be forgotten - when i become helmsman. there can be no substitute for catastrophe. a great definer. a career made for any diplomat in the know. yes i have a profession for brutality. i will procreate outside any jerusalem you want to name. you want to name fortune. i will name insomnia. i will keep dancing. a holy man in the antipodes.

measure as best you can perimeters of what you can call your possession. it will march behind you. behind you there is a clown dressed in words. though another would call it a glance. a glance of what you can remember of the walk should be noted. every fall remembered. because up there - near the shack. we are burning intolerable books describing our childhood. your face is in all of them

i am misplaced. surely that is the problem. disguised in clothedcrowds. in their passing. yes i am sure that i notice now. too late. that their head-dress made from windows i looked out as a child. i would stand on a chair. look out window. see that man. i would wet my trousers. it would form a pool on the chair. i could see my little face. all scrunched up. yes i was all scrunched up. i am sorry father.

tired enough of language to call it an apparition. there is no bliss in salvation. do not take a long trip without calling it a pilgrimage. allow us to refuse entry to a fraud populated by melancholy. artefacts ideas. ideas become nostalgia in a country miles away. deep in another place. somewhere. yes. the boundary

you have written into your holy texts - evolution of what you once called a proud species. now just dread of grandeur living in hope. a short journey. somewhere. they are waiting to sing a song. in tune. lost no in multitude of our sins.

if there was a bridge here - i would walk towards it

he has not returned yet. more will come. he has brought distracting news. he wants to see me. this will bring trouble.

this descent brittle .


i am still waiting for the water to come in our century.


dispose of all you own. it will come back as myth.


i always refer to maps. there is no humour in this statement. i will send an anonymous telegraph to you. a nuance will be sent back. when you whisper to the diviner - get his desperate contract signed. it will describe love of course. land of a thousand maps

Posted by: remembereringgiap | Mar 25 2005 21:35 utc | 36

the fallujah variations
i am swimming in heresy. this i know will win your hearts. that is unique uselessness of my toil. this of course leads to a murmuring of the heart. a sketch of what in another place would be called truth. please give it another name. it is sullied. your time better spent looking at clocks. you must follow your feet instead of your mouth. perhaps you could use another alphabet. one you use owned by somebody else. you may not find it.


there are two places. one you should leave and the one you do not belong.


the others went on a mission with instructions to explore a more distant creek. they should be away for two days. it rained hard.


desert is becoming. laziness - a speed. your eyes achieve a tender criminality. won over in rain. rain clears whatever movement i could have called hope. become ancient. it has become weary. i foretell what will happen. you will find me in your falling


watching your callous dance under sheets i erect futures. diminishing clumsiness of your clever epithets. i know failure of skin. i will commit treason in your bed.


i will go. finding you draining solitude through sand. you will tell me - it’s warm. i will brand you liar and loser. i will begin to despise your elegant passion. in this town i will build a sand castle portrait of you. show tyranny of your light. you will answer in language of drifting hours. savagery of minutes on a fuse.


nothing new. everybody is quiet. it is sunday. i am giving a short informal talk concerning war. our attitude to those who will soon be here.


so fuck me come beat me. cheat and liar. come undress me. loser. give me credit in immense circuit of your fire. i’ll pretend i’ll love you but i’ll enter into you with the slow savage honour of fear

i know where i am. that much is simple. there is a man with several tonnes of dynamite. there are a few other people. i need to talk in another language. this should free me. it doesn’t. only words. (any way you ask question it will be dressed like jayne mansfield on her way to a gathering. wanting to talk to somebody without a wig - a head feels too much heat and cannot be transformed into a carcrash. she lost her head altogether in a reply i cannot give) but i could build a house. no houses. they would be unique. you could buy them for a song. your voices untuned strain in the dark. tell me in another way what use there is in talking. i only get nervous. knowingly smashing myself against a wall of another house altogether. looking for a way out. there is no hope. who could dance with me anyway. i have forgotten what its like to be ashamed surrounded by stupidity. call it flight because knowledge is backbone of fear. let me talk for a moment. lose myself in circles. let me pull out my hair. so very thin. so very thin


mind if i tell you a story. it will not take long. long ago - there were such men as saints though they have been forgotten. there was one amongst many others. this one in particular used language as i imagined an assassin might; he was forced into sight. speaking what others could not. gathering flowers that were to be used when he was about to die. instead of silence you have to swim in fear. he knew he had a cousin who had married finality. he followed it through front door instead of mysteriously climbing around the back. it need not be watched. front and full steam ahead. i have walked into this. examine slow deliberate magic of dance


the day begins under favourable signs. we walked for more than an hour along a perfect trail. it suddenly stopped.

Posted by: remembereringgiap | Mar 27 2005 17:04 utc | 37

remembereringgiap. This is quite an outpouring. I am not being cynical when I ask, are you feeling better? I do hope so, really.

Posted by: beq | Mar 28 2005 15:02 utc | 38


not so much better, unfortunately nor do the crimes of the bush cheney junta make me feel better.

fortunately, i do not mistake my fatigue with the world they have created - with the world itself

i am participating in a choreographic work at this moment & it teaches me yet again the redmptive power of the body in space

beq, thank you for your thoughts

Posted by: remembereringgiap | Mar 28 2005 16:35 utc | 39

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